Tuesday, December 22, 2009

bas crazy

THE REAL STREET FIGHTER. I don't know if this is old news or not. I'm talking about Bas Rutten's Lethal Street Fighting Self Defense System.

Me and Lauren watched Parts I and II in their entirety tonight. And you know what, we just learned a whole lot. You wouldn't believe it.

-Do you know what to do in a knife fight?
-Do you know what to do when someone throws a glass in your face? Let's say one of your drunk friends?
-Do you know what to do when you're cornered against a certain piece of furniture in a bar and someone throws a glass in your face? Let's say one of your drunk friends?
-Did you realize there would be two different maneuvers depending on the above situation? Well there are EVEN MORE of them. Maybe you should know a few.
-Did you realize that pepper could be thrown in your eyes during a fight in a restaurant and then you would be blinded? Permanently blinded?
-Are you aware that if someone has just sliced open your wrist in a knife fight, that you can squirt the blood in their eyes and then they would be blinded? Temporarily blinded? Maybe you didn't think of that.
-Are you aware that every one of your friends will attack you at some point in your life whether it be with their foot to your groin or hotsauce in your eyes or a lamp in your face?
-Do you know that violence is not the answer?

Someday I will document his life story. But I fear the world is not yet ready for BAS RUTTEN: TWO EYES FOR AN EYE.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

the blog be real confusin'

If I could choose one comic strip to represent my blog, it would be thus. I didn't draw it but I totally wish I did.

click on it to view in all its glory

Please check out Kate Beaton's other work, cuz it's awesome (so awesome). And cuz I have nothing else to offer.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

i read somewhere madonna did it too

For the past 2 years I've worked regularly as an artist's model. I've posed for a painter, a class of adults and a class of high school students, but mostly I've posed for a very nice and talented sculptor. When I first responded to an ad, it was just to try it out for one or two days because I was desperate for the cash (and they were offering $20 an hour). Plus I'd already gone topless for a couple of my classmates' films so I figured I wouldn't be too uncomfortable with the whole nudity aspect.

And I wasn't, but it's tougher than it looks. A good pose is generally difficult to hold, which is why you're getting paid to stand there. Sometimes you get self-conscious. Sometimes you accidentally hurt yourself. The hardest part for me was thinking of poses--what looks interesting? What looks interesting without snapping my spine in two? I still don't know. Somehow I was doing this almost every week.

After I graduated and got a real job, the last thing I wanted to do was return to nude modeling. But when I got let go from AMERICAN CHOPPER I again needed the money, and so I continued with it for another six weeks or so. Finally, my employer told me he was going to have to take some time off to prepare for a festival. I said that was fine. He'd sold a bronze piece we'd done for over $6000. I'd been to shows where our works were featured. I got a good deal of satisfaction from the job, but there's something about taking off your clothes for money that weighs on your mind after awhile, art or not. So I decided that would be my last time. Hear that, world? I'm done with being an artist's model! This robe ain't coming off for NO ONE.

The very next day after coming to this decision, I was standing in Times Square waiting for my boyfriend when a young art student from Mexico approached me in broken English. He doesn't normally do this kind of thing of course, but he was wondering if I'd be willing to pose for his photographs some time? He doesn't know many people here, and he doesn't have any experience with nude photography, see, but he needs it for his portfolio. He can't get a job without some artsy naked pictures. Who was I to keep an immigrant from getting a job?

We talked for a few minutes and I tried to explain to him that I wasn't put off, that I actually had years of experience. His art teacher literally passed by us during the conversation and made fun of him for asking me, which is how I know it was a legit offer. I couldn't help but wonder--out of all the people in Manhattan, what made him ask me? Probably the miniskirt I was wearing. Needless to say, we didn't end up working together.

But for a weird moment there, I definitely considered it. Y'know why? Not because I enjoy it that much, but because there are a lot of people uncomfortable with the idea of being naked in front of others, and because I am not one of those people, and because SOMEONE'S GOT TO DO IT!

I still said no though.

Honestly, it's a terribly un-sexy profession, and there's no way I would have done it for as long as I did had it not been for the great conversation and artistic motivation I got from Bob Clyatt. A lot of the work we did is featured below (one or two items are being published in a book I hear--Best of American Sculpture Vol II--ooh la la). And who knows, maybe I'm full of shit and I'll return to it in a month or two. Bills are a strong motivation sometimes. But I'd like to think I'm due for a slightly more productive role... ovaries aside.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

i guess this is why i was fired.

Had a dream last night in which I was sent to get miso soup for the crew of OCC before their flight, in some fantastic version of NYC where all of the workers are Asian and all of the tourists are Eurotrash. From the bar where Jody gave me my order--and refused to give me money, telling me to seek out someone I didn't know how to recognize--was a complicated set of wooden stairs. Very steep. After climbing them, I found only more stairs. And more, and crowded areas of Europeans under umbrellas whose drinks I kept bumping into. I was losing my mind and with every step my feet got heavier and heavier. Little Asian feet will take you much farther; I couldn't figure out their efficiency, but they kept swooping past me with plastic bags full of hot food. Finally I broke down and asked a friendly-looking Swedish couple to help me interpret the address I was given. 96C79Z Street?

I was just beginning to see buildings when it occurred to me that I should have just ordered delivery.

Monday, September 7, 2009

romance may not be dead, but it can be dying

i'm feeling a little romantic so here are some of my favorite, brief, flickering instances of love in film. bon appetit.

as doomed as they might have been, sometimes i think this is the most we can hope for.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

artsy stuff i've done

here's some stuff I worked on in college

- tree for living room (gaffer's tape: 2006)

- the all nighter (spray paint: 2006)

- see you. cinematography: shan huang (16mm: 2006)

- amadeus. cinematography: sam marine (video: 2006)

- real girls. cinematography: sam marine (video: 2007)

- game 6. cinematography: shelly kamiel, taylor williams (video: 2007)

- memories are xysters (autobio). cinematography: shelly kamiel, shan huang, nathan rogers-hancock, brian marine, sam marine (video: 2007)

- 3 perspectives. cinematography: taylor williams (video: 2007)

- apiary. cinematography: sam marine (video: 2007)

- making tom rourke is a vegetarian. photos by yoon michelle jung. cinematography: shan huang (video: 2008)

- making motion sick. photos by alan lapointe, anna todd. cinematography: shelly kamiel (HD: 2009)

- by Bob Clyatt (2009)

- by Miriam Schulman (2008)

- zombie. zombie prom 2009

- clown. married girl by alex lopez (2009)

- chinese. halloween 2008

4 years goes so fast